I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
