I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
