I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
