I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
