You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
