What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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