there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You made out with two different species that night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
