Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Send help, water and tortillas.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
