she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
