he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Damn victory sex feels great
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
