All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
