I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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