every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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