so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
