Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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