it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
