Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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