my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
