Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
