dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
