ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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