When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are a genius and a whore.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize