Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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