Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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