If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
