birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
