That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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