its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize