i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
