The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
