census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
