How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
