Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the condom got lost in my hair
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
