I got chris browned last night
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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