Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
sarcasm needs its own font
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My vagina just recognized that song.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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