I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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