I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize