are you so shy because you have an std?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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