My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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