We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
