I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
