I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
