Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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