my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
