we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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