Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
