Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
