When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
