I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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