i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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