Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My hand turned me down
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
