loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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