we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
