maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
