if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
