After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
