I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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