She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
