I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
