god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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