I can tuck mytits in my pants
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
