Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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