I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
