I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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