Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
