There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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