I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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