I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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