So drunk, too bad you don't want this
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He shit in the fireplace
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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